Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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