how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
