thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
