Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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