he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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