i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
