This girl is more easily done than said...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
