I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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