Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
