im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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