Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
