you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
