Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
