My first STD was from a foam party
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
