i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
