Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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