...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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