do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
