There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
