i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
