Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
