apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
