I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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