Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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