the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
