Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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