And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
