Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just pee around me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
