i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
