just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
