did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
