I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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