When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
