i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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