FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
