do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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