Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So many bounce houses so little time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
