Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
