my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
