I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
