Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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