Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
