I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
