Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
