he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
