I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
