dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
