we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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