dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
