I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
