STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
