Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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