Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
