1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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