sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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