I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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