Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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