Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize