Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
