My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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