its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
love makes seman taste better
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
