I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize