I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
where are my eyebrows?
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