you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
