So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
