At least make sure they are 18
Why
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
