I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
