You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
