just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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