just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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