and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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