i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
