If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
