Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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