your room smells of hookers.
And success
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
