ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
