I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
